Sunday Night Anxiety
It's around 4pm on a Sunday and you're zoning out, mind wandering to the "to do list" of tomorrow when you go back to work. You compulsively check your work email making mental notes of what you'll have to address first. You're also watching a movie with the kids not enjoying it, processing it, or even the least bit present. You're grumpy, snapping at anyone that looks your way. It may still be the weekend but the anticipation of the work week lingers over you like a grey cloud on a sunny June day ruining whatever bit of family time and relaxation you're trying to savor.
Sound familiar?
This sad tape of despair plays out over and over in houses all over the country. It's a pervasive creeping condition this Sunday Night Anxiety. When I talk about this with people, some snicker and say, "Sunday? Girl, try FRIDAY-SATURDAY-SUNDAY! or when I leave work already dreading what waits for me on Monday."
It's nice not to be alone in this right? Yep, but the camaraderie doesn't do anything for making your weekends any better.
It wasn't always this way, you probably liked your job at one time, but there was budget cuts or staffing changes and now you have too much to do, not enough time, tough projects, impossible deadlines. Or maybe, home is what changed. It's hard to focus at work and be productive because you're worried about kids, constantly interrupted, and can't dedicate the time you used to be able to be creative and expressive at work. Whatever the story is for you, you're with us, with Sunday Night Anxiety.
What can you do? "I've tried everything, I'm sure you aren't going to have any easy solution." You're right, probably not! And I can totally relate to this feeling of angst. It knows no career, zip code, or timezone, we are all susceptible to this. Here's a few tips, that won't take too much work and can hopefully help provide some parameters for your weekend worry.
Turn off that work email! Unless your boss is expecting you to check your email and respond on your off time, you are punishing yourself, and setting the expectations that you will be constantly available. Having a smart phone makes it so easy to absently check the email, see something and before you know it, you're fully distracted. When you leave on Friday, before you drive away, turn off that email app, log OUT! For me, having the psychological barrier of knowing I have to log-in or turn on that email makes me think twice about if I want to open the door to that part of my life when I'm resting. It's hard to do, it may make you anxious, you may worry. That's okay. It will get easier to do. "Sure, until I forget to logout and I'm checking it." Yep. Well, if you do and you check it, you have to hold yourself accountable! Turn if off as soon as you realize, or better yet, set an alarm on your work calendar or phone for 6pm on Friday or whenever, reminding you to log off. You can do it, I promise.
Establish a Friday routine. Does your anxiety come from remembering things you forgot to do, or not knowing what to expect the next morning? Give yourself at least 10 minutes at the end of the day Friday to wrap up. Look ahead to your Monday calendar and see what you have to prepare, is it ready? Can you prepare now and have that off of your list? Gather a list of tasks, emails, phone calls etc. you will need to address on Monday. This has really helped me in times of overwhelm to take stock before I leave. I like to think of it as psychologically wrapping up the week and shutting the door on it so when I walk out the office it stays. If over the weekend I have something pop up that I think of to do, I set a special alarm for the time I will be in the office Monday with a keyword to remind me. Do you think you can do that? In so many ways technology is our barrier to disconnecting. Instead we can use technology to our advantage to manage these boundaries. We control the technology!
Practice guided imagery. Intrusive thoughts are real and they can take over at any time. It's also real to present with heightened anxiety symptoms related to our workplace. So while you are turning off email and making a to-do list on Friday what do you do with the thoughts when they take over on your free time? Here's an exercise that can help:
First, close your eyes and be present with the thought. What is it? Is it about a task? A conflict? Are you replaying a conversation with a colleague over and over about how you wish it could have gone better?. I want you to see this thought or scenario and imagine it shrinking....down....down....nope, even smaller than that....imagine it being something you can hold in your hands. Now imagine you are holding that thought in your hands and you're in front of a file cabinet. The cabinet has as many drawers as you need and there is always enough space, no matter what. You see the drawer that says work, it's pulled out already, maybe some other thoughts are spilling out, you spot a calendar or a to-do list or two. Shove that all back in, it doesn't have to be neat, just get it back in there. Then take that original thought you had that brought you to this room, look at it in your hands. Say, "Hey, you were in the wrong spot, you need to be in here in this drawer until I'm ready to for you." Place the thought in the drawer. Lock the cabinet. Turn off the light in the room, and close and lock the door. Imagine as many barriers between you and that work drawer as possible, and walk away. As you walk away, imagine sunlight and warmth on your skin. Maybe you hear someone laughing happily, or smell dinner being cooked, something that feels good. Now, open your eyes and go back to your present.
You may need to do this a lot over the weekend. That's okay. It may take time. That's okay too. You're losing time by not being present anyway, so why not use the time to imagine yourself compartmentalizing the parts of your life where they need to be. As you do this you will get better at it, and you will also notice you will need to visualize the drawer and door less often. (Secret tip: You can use this trick with any thought that enters your mind that you don't want, just swap the name on the drawer!)
Establish a Sunday night routine. Maybe you're anxiety comes from feeling unprepared for Mondays! I know for me, if I don't have food made, laundry done and dishes clean I will not be able to go to bed Sunday night. If I do, I don't sleep well, and Monday morning makes me miserable! A Sunday routine is vital. We have bedtime routines for kids because it's prepares their brains and bodies to relax and primes for bed. That doesn't change for adults. It really doesn't. We need to prime our brains and bodies as well, but it just may require a few extra things. My typical bedtime and Sunday night tasks are to pack my lunches, pick out my clothes for the week, and to take an Epsom salt soak. What will make you feel prepared? If you have kids this may include cleaning out the backpack and checking for lunch money, permission slips and homework; running a load of laundry and dishes, and sneaking away for a bath for yourself. You probably jam pack your weekends with things and that increases the stress. Set a time that everyone needs to be home by on Sunday and preparing for the week ahead. This will feel like a sacrifice in some ways, but when you see how it makes the week smoother each night, it will be worth it. As an adult, you get to decide what you do to take care of you. For me, an early bedtime, reading in bed, and diffusing essential oils are a crucial part of each bedtime routine, and that comfort and predictability prepares me for rest. You know you best and know what you need, make it a priority. It doesn't need to take hours.
Take stock. It's important for you to know what is causing your distress. Maybe it's all of the things we've covered - technology, poor boundaries with work, not wrapping up or preparing yourself, or not having the coping skills. All of these things can improve a difficult situation, and are still excellent tips, but maybe the problem is your job. Even the most equipped and well adjusted folks can have a really stressful job. These tips can help you to cope with a difficult situation yes, but is it time to consider changing your situation? Is it impacting your health? Is your angst many days of the week and impacting your life? Relationships? Daily functioning? Is your workplace somewhere you can express this distress and get support in changing your responsibilities, setting limits or changing a schedule? If yes, then let's do it! If not, what are your options? To quit today and run off is likely not something you're financially able to do. I don't know anyone that is. So that means it's time to take stock of what you have to offer, build up on the coping skills and boundaries, and think about what you want or need next for yourself. We all need to support ourselves, and we all need to feel safe, healthy, and supported. Surround yourself with the tools and people to make that possible, and make a timeline of action for yourself however long that may be.
What do you think, Team? Are you ready to tackle this Sunday Night Anxiety? Maybe you've already done some things yourself that have really helped you to center yourself and cope. Comment below so we can source as many skills against this battle as possible!
Take Care,
Brittanie